Put safe seats to the tourist test and
it's the Lib Dems all the way
Although most people see travel as an
opportunity to escape from having to think about the election, I am going to
insist on dragging the subject of British politics into these pages at least
once during the current campaign.
I have been looking at the
psephological map of Britain
and wondering how much interest there might be in this from the traveller's
point of view.
How significant is it, for example,
that John Major's seat is in the flattest, most featureless part of Britain ?
Or that Paddy Ashdown is within range of a mortar-bomb attack from Dartmoor ?
Or that Tony Blair represents a far, far place from Islington (Sedgefield)?
Rather more interesting, in fact, are
the touristic characteristics of the safest Tory, Labour and Liberal Democrat
seats in the country. What we learn here will confirm every political
generalisation ever made.
Everybody knows the safest Tory seat in
Britain ,
mainly because Alan Clark has been chosen to contest it. Kensington and Chelsea
certainly has a ring of privilege about it: even the football team exudes an
eternally foppish air, a certainty in its own class superiority - however often
it gets trounced by its plebeian northern rivals.
For world-class museums alone (the
Victoria and Albert, the Natural History Museum), Kensington probably attracts
more foreign tourists in a day than most Labour or Liberal Democrat seats do in
a year. The owner of Harrods himself may not be voting Conservative this time,
but the fact that his shop happens to be located here certainly helps maintain
the number of tycoons in the neighbourhood. It might be unfair for the Tories
to claim credit for such touristic successes in their number one constituency,
but that's their birthright.
On the basis of percentages of votes
cast, the safest Labour seat in Britain is
Blaenau Gwent, near Newport .
Don't imagine this place isn't working hard to attract tourists: its tourism
officer assured me that despite images of slag heaps and pit-head winding gear,
visitors are always amazed by the greenness of the countryside - she even sent
me a 25-page fax to prove it. Blaenau Gwent, it asserts, combines
"unspoilt beauty and formal parkland with the colour and passion of a
turbulent industrial past". This may carry echoes of Old Labour, but then
it simply reflects the interest in "industrial tourism", by which an
old pit-head is deemed just as important for posterity as some toff's stately
home. The Blue Guide dismisses Ebbw Vale as "a crowded industrial
town" which just shows what limited imaginations guidebook writers can
have.
As for the Liberal Democrats, they may
not have many seats but their safest seat (in terms of percentages) is the most
exotic place in Britain -
namely Orkney and Shetland. If parties could be judged according to the
tourism-value of the seats they represent, I would have to be a Liberal
Democrat. For sea birds, Pictish remains, Viking settlements, treeless,
wind-swept landscapes and the last remnants of a rainy climate in Britain ,
the northern isles of Scotland
are a winner all the way. Quite why puffins, seals, gannets and boobies have
turned the islanders into political centrists is another question, but it seems
to fit in with the above-the-fray attitude of anyone living north of the 60th
parallel.
The most marginal seat in the country,
by the way, is the Tory-held Vale of Glamorgan which - perhaps in punishment
for political blandness - doesn't get a mention in any guidebook. It does
contain beaches at Barry and even a vineyard at Llanerch, but apart from that
the area is unremittingly dull and likely to remain so until it makes up its
political mind.
I haven't touched on the political
fringes, and it is true that the political landscape of Northern
Ireland is rather more confusing
than its geographical landscape. But both Banff & Buchan in north-east Scotland
and Merionnydd Nant Conwy in Wales
sound excitingly passionate places. The only generalisation I can make about
them is that if you like exposed coasts far from London
you will probably like places represented by minority parties.
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